Smores and Beers.

Carly: “Chris, those big speakers in the basement, can we sell them?”

Ava (before I have a chance to answer): “No! Cuz we use them when it’s dark and people come over so we can have smores and some beers.”

In case I haven’t mentioned it, Ava is the coolest 4 year old ever.

Here’s to more smores and beers in 2013!

Nike

I know.  I know.  I already posted once today, and posting too often is a big blogging no-no, but I was just reminded of a funny “Ava quip” and I wanted to pass it on before I forgot it because I haven’t posted any funny Ava stuff for awhile. I think that last sentence was a run-on, or at least there are some punctuation errors.  Moving on.

Ava: “Tonight I am going to wear a Nike to bed.”

Me: “A what?”

Ava: “A Nike.”

Me: “What?!”

Ava: “A NIKE!!!”

Ava: “You are going to wear one shoe to bed?”

Ava: “Nooooo!”

Me: “Ava, Nikes are shoes.”

Ava: “No they are not. A Nike is a long shirt.”

Me: “Ava, do you mean a nightie?”

Ava: “No. It’s a Nike.

(Long pause)

Ava: “Booyah! I got a Nike!

Reasons authorities in any field do not have young children…

Until five minutes ago I never considered why accomplished scientific writers tend to be at least in their forties and more often in their fifties or sixties.  At first thought one would assume  the reason is it has taken them years to  study, conduct research and acquire adequate knowledge in their respective field.  I would like to propose an alternative theory:  Scientific writers do not become authorities in their field until their kids (if any) grow up and move out of the house.

I am attempting to write an essay that discusses such lofty topics as: social perception, the attribution theory,  fundamental attribution error, self-fulfilling prophecy, and the physiology of perception that translates into prejudice, stereotypes and discrimination.  My attempts to add content to this essay have been unsuccessful this morning because of the following interruptions:

1.) Ava: “Daddy, will you turn on Scooby-Doo?”

2.) Ava (30 seconds later): “Daddy, I am ready for breakfast.  I want tiger cereal (frosted flakes).”

3.) Ava (1 minute and 37 seconds after I begin searching for tiger cereal): “Daddy, I guess I will just have Lucky Charms.”

4.) Ava (after two bites of cereal): “I am going downstairs to find my pink phone with a butterfly on it.”

5.) Ava (43 seconds later after an imaginary conversation on her pink phone): “Daddy, today Cadence is coming to my house tomorrow.”

6.) Tenley: ” whaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!”

7.) Ava: “Daddy! Tenley is trying to get my phone.”

8.) Ava (after 11 minutes): “Tenley pooped her pants.” (I confirmed this with a sniff test)

9.) Ava: “I can put my hand on this cheek and walk.  I just want to finish my cereal.  But Dad, how old is this?”

10.) 4 minutes later… Ava enters carrying a 3 foot long pink horse that plays music and precedes to make no less than seven laps around the room that I am using to write my essay.

11.) Tenley: “yeee yuuhhh, ha, uuuhhhhh yeeeeeeeeee, aya, I.”  (in the background a pink horse plays music.)

12.) Sadie (my cocker spaniel): “bark, bark, ruff, bark, growl, ruff, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, woof, bark, woof, woof, growl.” (I did not capitalize the first letter of Sadie’s quote because she has poor grammar skills and thus does not capitalize her sentences.  I am also sure that her sentence was merely a fragment anyway.)

13.) Me: “Sadie, shut up!”

14.) Sadie: “woof, bark, growl, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, woof, woof, woof, woof, woof, bark, growl.” (again with the incomplete sentences.)

15.) Ava: “Daddy, can I read your yellow book?” (Why she is so interested in a book titled The APA style of Documentation: A Pocket Guide, I am not sure.)

16.) Tenley: “Aha, aaaaaaaaawww, goo.”

17.) Ava: “Daddy, are these wipes dirty?”

18.) Ava: “I am going to clean your yellow book with these wipes.”

19.) Me: (sigh…)  (I now make the decision to stop my research on the attribution theory, and instead write a blog about this mornings experience.)

20.) Ava: “Daddy, my Scooby-Doo is paused.”

21.) Ava: “Daddy, what are you doing?” Me: “I am writing a blog.”  Ava: “Blog, bloggy, bloggy, blog.”

22.) Ava (singing): “I can dooooo, I, I, can dooo00.  I can doooooo, can dooo-oooo-oooo. You can dooo. You can dooo-ooo.”

23.) The DVR turns off and the TV turns to morning news where Obama’s voice booms through my surround sound.

24.) Tenely: “As a scientific enterprise, the investigation of perception has especially developed as part of the larger discipline of psychology.”  (Okay, I made that up.)

For those of you interested in social perception, the attribution theory, etc., once I finish my essay I will make sure to publish it on my blog, because if my theory is correct it will not be publsihed in any scientific journals.

Spring is in the air…

It was clear blue skies and 70 degrees in Denver today.  I wish I could have been snowboarding.  I’m not sure how great the snow was; most area resorts did not post any new accumulations within the past 24 hours.  Having said that, there was probably some residual snow from the relatively heavy snowfall 2-3 days ago. 

We have an awesome nanny that does a great job with our kids.  Even if she had been able to watch the girls today, I still would not have been able to enjoy a day on the slopes because I had an appointment with my doctor.  Don’t be alarmed, I will most likely live to blog another day.  I actually only mention my appointment because it is a good segue into the conversation that just played out between Ava and I.

I am sitting at the kitchen table and Ava approaches with her hands behind her back.

Ava: “Daddy, how are you feeling?”

Me: “I am feeling good.  A little tired.”

Ava pulls out her Littman Quality stethoscope from behind her back.

Dr. Ava: “I need to take a closer look.”

I turn to her to make the exam easier.  She places the stethoscope to my heart, turns her head, and focuses on an imaginary point in space somewhere on the wall behind my left shoulder.  After a few seconds…

Dr. Ava: “I’ll be right back.”

Me: “Ok, sounds good.”

She returns with an ice pack and places it on my hand. After a few more seconds…

Dr. Ava: “Now how do you feel?”

Me: “Much better.  Thank you Doctor.”

Dr. Ava: “Your welcome, patient.”

What she may lack in diagnostic skills, she certainly makes up for with her bedside manner.  So is the case with many doctors, I suppose…

Upcoming Events

Ava announces, “Buddha pooped in his little area!  Buddha pooped in his little area!  Buddha pooped in his little area!”  As if I couldn’t tell by the overpowering smell that had imposed its will on my nostrils.  The scenario that just played out has nothing to do with today’s blog drop, but the fact remains that it did play out, and it played out as I started this post, so you got to hear about it. 

I’m keeping this one short because tonight is all you can eat wings at Hooter’s, and I am taking my family.   Yeah I know, I get the Dad/Husband of the Year Award.  Before you judge  me, consider the following:  My wife likes wings;  My 2 1/2 year-old likes the tall stools that she get’s to sit on at Hooter’s, plus she always gets hooked up with a balloon; and my 5 month old is still breast-feeding, so… well I think you know where I am going with that one.  As for me,  I just want my family to be happy…  Anyway if you are heading to one of Colorado’s many ski resorts in the next couple weeks consider checking out one of the following events:

A-Basin:  Live Music Thursday and Friday from 2:30-5:30 pm at 6th Alley Bar

Loveland: Apres Party with Live Music 2:30-5:30 pm Saturday on the Basin patio…Also  3/10/2011 is the last 95.7 HookyDay

Breckenridge:  Mardi Gras Meets the Mountain 3/5/2011-3/8/2011

Keystone:  Live music Friday 4:30-6:30 pm

Copper Mountain:  Colorado Special Olympics Winter Games 3/5/2011-3/7/2011

Vail:  Bud Light Street Beat Concert on 3/3/2011…Also CarniVail Mardi Gras themed parade, concerts, and food starts Sunday

Eldora:  BBQ and Boulder Beer at Timbers Lodge this Saturday…Also free lift ticket promotion…bring in a lift ticket or pass from any other resort and ski free at Eldora

Okay I’m out…I bet that you couldn’t even tell that I left mid-blog for my Hooter’s excursion…The wings were great…Ava got a balloon…Tenley (my 5-month old) was captivated by the neon lights of the Corona sign on the wall next to our table…and our well-endowed waitress bent over in front of me to admire my kids…

He’s the one they call Dr. FeelGood…

There is something to be said about old friends:  They can always be counted on…for something.  One of the rules I learned in researching how to create an effective blog was to post frequently, but make sure that each post was relevant…Don’t post just to post.  I will try not to over do this whole blog thing, but I am posting for a 2nd time today for the following reasons: 1) I got my first comment, 2) This is new, and I am excited, 3) an additional posting will allow me to respond to my first comment and tie it in with the Colorado lifestyle which is allegedly one of the themes of Rammin’ the Clam. 

So back to the old friends being counted on thing.  Kevin Peters:  He’s the one they call Dr. FeelGood.  I couldn’t have asked for a better person to chime in with the first ever Rammin’ the Clam feedback comment.  A true comedic genius hides behind  the tie and white lab coat that he wears to work.  We met in radiology school; Kevin probably got the award for best dressed, despite the fact that everyone in our class was forced to wear the same green scrubs.  I also think Kevin got the award for clinical excellence, which may have been an indication of things to come.  After graduation Kevin was hired and quickly promoted into management.  I think he is like a hospital C.E.O. or something know.  But as Kevin alluded to there is one thing missing from his high society corporate world.  No snowboarding.  At least no snowboarding worth mentioning. 

Kevin is a natural leader.  He had a knack for getting events planned.  One thing I miss most about my time in Sioux Falls, SD, with Kevin and the rest of our friends was our recurrent Poker Night.  It seemed almost weekly that we were up until 3 a.m. drinking cheap beer and playing Texas Hold’em, knowing full well that in 3 or 4 hours one of us would be performing a gastrografin enema on a 73-year-old lady, while others would be trudging up and down hallways pushing a portable x-ray machine, while yet another of the group would be scrubbed in assisting with a stent placement or emboliztion.  It didn’t matter though, we were committed, and when our group of friends made plans, they almost always stuck with them.

Now I transition into the Colorado lifestyle.  I am not sure what it is about Colorado, but for the most part I have found that people here are generally non-committal.  I’m not saying anything is wrong with that, it is just a different dynamic than I am used to.  Organizing poker night here seems like pulling teeth.  Of 30 people invited, 10 will say “Right on.  I’m in.  Sounds dope.”  10 will say “Let me check with wife/husband.  I’ll let you know”  The last 10 will say “Sorry man.  I gotta work/play hockey/train to be a ninja.”  Now of the 30 people invited 7 will show up.  3 of them from the “Right on” crowd.  3 from the “Let me check” crowd.  Lastly one idiot will show up in a ninja costume. 

 Hold on a second, Ava has something to say. “I gotta go poop, but I can do it myself.  Okay?”  Cool, she’s good, but I should probably end this soon or I will be interupted in a few minutes to enter Ava’s most likely next sentence,  “Look at my big poops.”  I don’t know what the non-committal atmosphere is all about. I would like to think that it is because Colorado is so full of awesomeness that it would be foolish to commit to anything, because something more awesome could come up last-minute…

Welcome to Rammin’ the Clam…Team Clamrammer’s blogspot…

First an introduction. Me, Chris…You, hopefully someone into snowboarding, the Colorado lifestyle, or someone who finds humor in my day-to-day anecdotes that may or may not have anything to do with the afore-mentioned topics. Now that we have that out of the way…(pause), hold on for a minute, Ava my 2 and 1/2 year-old commands my attention………….Ok I am back, my daughter wanted me to know (and also you, I think) that “Bananas don’t walk, Silly!” Judging by her inflection I think that she is explaining that bananas do not walk, and is referring to me as “Silly”…the less likely explanation of her monologue is that bananas do walk, but not in a silly manner.

I am glad she interrupted, because it leads to my next point: Despite the main purpose of this blog being to provide information on Colorado snowboarding, many posts will be centered around the things that my daughter does and says that I find hilarious. As this blog progresses I plan on linking to snowboarding specific sites. ( I am taking suggestions of links that you would like to see.) Also the latest pictures of my attempts to be Shaun White-esque will be forthcoming.

This is not only my first blog post for Team Clam Rammer, it is my first blog post EVER! Behind the times, I know, but I am a quick learner.

The inspiration for this blog was set in motion 2 years ago on a snowboarding outing to Breckenridge Ski Resort with my Dad (read: cool guy not nearly old enough to be my dad, more like brother or friend, that decided to take on the responsibility of being my “dad” 25 or so years ago), and my uncle (another guy closer to my age than most uncles tend to be, that also shares a profound interest in snowboarding.) There is a run, between Peak 7 and Peak 8 (I think), called Claimjumper. After a morning full of riding and a lunch-time break full of Shock-Top Belgian White unfiltered wheat ale, it is very easy to misread the small print of the trail map. Claimjumper can very easily become Clamrammer. So was the case on this particular day…and it stuck…

We had always wanted to make some “Clamrammer” hoodies, or stickers, or really anything as a novel reminder of the Freudian slip, but nothing really ever came to be. We considered registering a domain name, if for no other reason than just to make sure no one else could have http://www.clamrammer.com. A blog was never even considered. I didn’t even know what a blog really was until recently.

I am taking a business communication course through Columbia Southern University in my attempts to finish my degree in Business Administration. The essay that I just turned in required me to explain clearly the process of writing a blog, including the key factors that make it effective. I struggled for days to wrap my head around how to write the essay. Then in clicked. Why not figure out how to create a blog, actually do it, then write my essay on the process. I haven’t received my grade back yet, but I did reference the creation of this blog, so Prof. White, if you happen to be reading this blog how ’bout an “A”? I’m just sayin’….

…one of the things I learned in writing the essay was to keep blog posts brief. I think I am already pushing the limits of length, so…

…to be continued…