Denver area UFO Sighting 03/20/2011…

So usually when skepticism surrounds a particular subject, I side with the skeptics.  I tend not to believe something until I have proof in front of me.  I don’t believe in Big Foot, the Loch Ness monster, and until a few days ago didn’t believe in leprechauns.  Santa is up in the air, I am going to give him another shot at redemption this year.  Tooth Fairy, no.  Easter Bunny, no.  Charlie Sheen, well DUH! Winning!  Which leads me to UFOs.  I do believe that there are objects, that fly, and are not always identified.  So in a sense I believe in UFOs.  I am not convinced, however, that little green Martians fly them around.  Having said that I want to share with you some footage that was shot last night over Exempla Good Samaritan Medical Center, one of the hospitals that I work at.  You can form your own opinions after watching.  Keep in mind that this was witnessed by several people, including members of the Lafayette Police Department.  The following two links will take you to two different videos.  The second video contains more close up footage.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBcgSMfVtcg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PGHsjfbloI&feature=related

Are you a student?

Amidst a recent Facebook post suggesting that “my wheels are falling off” as I approach 30, I have found my saving grace.  Despite any physical ailment that makes you feel old, a compliment, whether intentional or not, makes it all go away, if only for a little while. 

Background Info:

Yesterday on a Facebook post I mentioned that I felt like I was getting old, citing back pain, upcoming knee surgery, and the fact that I have been put on thyroid medication.

Picture retreived online from the Journal of the American Academy of Physician Assistants website.

At about 1:00 a.m. I am called to the ER for a patient with suspected appendicitis: a 22 year-old female with RLQ pain, fever, and loss of appetite today.  As I walk into her room to introduce myself, I find a relatively attractive brunette in pink sweats, slippers, and hospital gown lying on her stretcher, and her knight in shining armor boyfriend at her side.  She smiles.  He tenses up.  As I finish explaining who I am, and that I will be taking her down the hall for a CAT SCAN, I ask if there are any questions.  Only one:

Jealous boyfriend: “Can I come with?” 

(At this point I realize that this guy sees me as a threat, which is a compliment in itself I guess, because I am definitely not a threat.)

Me:  “Of course.  I can’t let you in the room during the scan, but you are welcome to come along.  There is a sitting area outside of the room.”

We walk down the hall to CT.  Boyfriend takes a seat in the waiting area and I roll the patient the rest of the way into the CT room and close the door.  As I get the patient positioned on my table, she asks, “So are you a student?”

I initially think to myself, “Crap.  Am I acting like I don’t know what I am doing or something?  Why would she think I am a student?”  I push the thought aside and say, “No, I have been doing this for like 7 or 8 years.”

Patient: “Wow!  You look so young.”

Me (smiling on the inside, and probably on the outside, too): “Thanks, I guess I’ll take that as a compliment.”

I suppose if an attractive 22 year-old female thinks I look young, the wheels aren’t falling off just yet.  Then again she had just been given morphine for her pain.   Crap!  I hadn’t thought of that until now.

Denver is magical…

The Tilted Kilt at 16th Street Mall in downtown Denver is quickly becoming a favorite watering hole for Carly and I.  I admit that it is not saying much considering we rarely drink, but I can say that if we do venture downtown we make it a habit to stop here for a beer.  The Tilted Kilt has great selection on tap and a full liquor bar, in addition to a sports bar food menu with a irish kick.  Not to mention the attractive cast members (think Hooter’s gone plaid…miniskirts, push up bra’s and knee highs).  In addition to a great outdoor patio that provides the opportunity to people-watch the patrons of the 16th Street Mall.

This was a natural choice as to where Carly and I would spend our St. Patty’s Day afternoon.  After spending an hour or so on the patio, Carly with a Jack & Coke, and me with Sailor Jerry & Coke, we decided to walk the block or so to The Cheesecake Factory for some dinner.  On our way we came across the most magical St. Patrick’s Day surprise of all time: A real live leprechaun.  It totally made Carly’s day.  I am convinced this one was real because his ears were pointed. 

We have been trying to get some of our friends from Florida to move here and I think we have found our best-selling point.  Denver has so much to offer: close proximity to ski resorts, great venues, every major sport, excellent night-life, top-notch restaurants, great pay when compared to cost-of-living, a major international airport that serves as a gateway to the world, and now a REAL LIVE LEPRECHAUN.

Don’t judge a book by it’s cover…or?

Last night we finished a series at Flatiron’s Community Church entitled “Flatirons Ink: Marked.”  Essentially it was the story of Jonah and the whale, and the overall theme was that we have all been “marked” by the things that have happened to us in our lives.  The analogy used was that we have been” inked” or “tattooed” by those experiences, and despite what “tattoos” someone has, it is not our place to judge them.  Those of you who know me personally, know that I am not short of tattoos.  I don’t know when or where , but somewhere along the way I lost count, and now some of my tattoos have started to merge with others.  For me the tattoos are my story.  Each one represents something. 

 Despite the take-away from this series of “not judging,”  in the medical field you sometimes use previous experience to, for lack of a better term, “judge” your patients.   So was the case last night.  A 41 year-old male presents to the ER for the fourth time this week with multiple complaints.  He has reportedly fallen multiple times, has debilitating back pain, and can’t “think straight.”  When I arrive at his bed side to obtain a history before his cat scan,  I almost immediately categorize him as a drug seeker.  He is has a glassy eyes, is somewhat unkept, and before I have a chance to introduce myself, he begins complaining about his pain.  He is unable to give me an accurate history, but I start rolling him down the hall towards cat scan.  There is a small bump where the vinyl flooring of the ER meets the carpet of the hallway that leads to Medical Imaging.  As I push the gurney across this threshold, the patient is jolted ever so slightly, and begins “writhing in pain.” 

It takes me about 15 minutes to get the patient onto the CT table because: 1) He is not alert and oriented, 2) is complaining about all his pain, and 3) is over-dramatically wincing and flinching with each minor movement.  This patient is well-built and is sporting what appear to be “prison tats”, and I can’t help but think, “Dude, you are being such a douchebag for someone who at least looks like he should be tough.”  I keep my comments to myself.  I finish the exam and return him to his room in the ER…

Fast-forward an hour or so…

I get a call requesting that I come to the ER to help control a combative patient in the ER.  As I walk through the double doors of the ER, I see security standing outside of the room of my friend the douchebag.  Security tells me that the patient is mad because he wants to leave, but is loaded up on narcotics and we won’t let him drive home.  He has a ride on the way.  About two minutes pass, and my patient (who an hour ago would barely move for me) jumps up out of his stretcher, and announces angrily, “My ride is here.”  He proceeds to strut down the hall at a rapid pace with no signs of pain or impairment.  Security and I follow the man to the parking lot where his “friend/1st ex-wife that he is still ‘close’ with”  are waiting in a rusty 1990’s Ford Taurus.  The patient, unable to open the passenger door, and in true Joe Dirt fashion, easily jumps up and slides feet first into the vehicle through the open passenger side window.  They leave skid marks as they peel out of the Emergency Room parking lot…

I wish this story had ended with the patient actually having a real problem, and me learning a lesson about being judgemental.  It doesn’t always work out that way.  So in the words of Kanye West “Let’s have a toast for the douchebags.”

 Check out Flatirons Community Church…last night’s opening “hymn” was ACDC “Thunderstruck.”  I kid you not…Check it out…  http://www.flatironschurch.com/

Spring is in the air…

It was clear blue skies and 70 degrees in Denver today.  I wish I could have been snowboarding.  I’m not sure how great the snow was; most area resorts did not post any new accumulations within the past 24 hours.  Having said that, there was probably some residual snow from the relatively heavy snowfall 2-3 days ago. 

We have an awesome nanny that does a great job with our kids.  Even if she had been able to watch the girls today, I still would not have been able to enjoy a day on the slopes because I had an appointment with my doctor.  Don’t be alarmed, I will most likely live to blog another day.  I actually only mention my appointment because it is a good segue into the conversation that just played out between Ava and I.

I am sitting at the kitchen table and Ava approaches with her hands behind her back.

Ava: “Daddy, how are you feeling?”

Me: “I am feeling good.  A little tired.”

Ava pulls out her Littman Quality stethoscope from behind her back.

Dr. Ava: “I need to take a closer look.”

I turn to her to make the exam easier.  She places the stethoscope to my heart, turns her head, and focuses on an imaginary point in space somewhere on the wall behind my left shoulder.  After a few seconds…

Dr. Ava: “I’ll be right back.”

Me: “Ok, sounds good.”

She returns with an ice pack and places it on my hand. After a few more seconds…

Dr. Ava: “Now how do you feel?”

Me: “Much better.  Thank you Doctor.”

Dr. Ava: “Your welcome, patient.”

What she may lack in diagnostic skills, she certainly makes up for with her bedside manner.  So is the case with many doctors, I suppose…

“Oh, Ok. Bye”

It is 6:31 a.m. and I walk down the stairs from our bedroom and am greeted by Carly who is getting ready to leave for work.  Ava, my 2 and 1/2 year-old is eating Cheerios, and Tenley is not sleeping or eating, so I assume she is doing the only other thing that 5 month-old babies do: unloading in her diaper. 

When she sees me Ava opens the morning dialogue.

Ava:  “Daddy, do you want to go to work with us?”

Me: “You are going to work today?”

Ava: “Uh-huh, I am.”

Me:  “Oh I thought just mommy was going to work today.  Maybe we can stay home and do something more fun.”

 The questioning look that Ava shoots me seems to say: Seriously, dude?

Me: “…Or we could go somewhere else that is fun.”

Carly chimes in with, “Ava maybe daddy will take you to Little Monkey Busni….”

I quickly cut off Carly.  While going to Little Monkey Business is a possibility today,  I don’t want to make that promise and for some reson not be able to follow through.  It’s too late though, Ava has already figured it out.

Ava:  “Can we, Can we, Can we?  Can we go to Little Monkey Biz today?”

Ava: ” I have to go potty!  I have to go potty!”

Carly and Ava disappear upstairs.  Carly returns downstairs after a few minutes and tells me about the conversation that transpired upstairs.

Carly: “Ok Ava, mommy has to go to work now.”

Ava: “I told you that I wanted to go to work with you.”

Ava starts crying…

Carly: “Sweetie mommy has to go to work, but you get to hang out with Daddy and Tenley.”

Ava: “But, I want to hang out with you.”

Carly: “I want to hang out with you, too.  Mommy has to go to work though, so she can buy you nice things.”

Ava: “Oh, OK.  Bye.”

I am sure I will be worn out from a busy day at Little Monkey Business, and also from trying to teach my toddler the importance of a dollar.  For those of you that are not worn out tonight consider the following:

Yo Mama’s Big Fat Booty Band

Today, Tuesday, Mar 8: 8:30pm to  12:00am

at Fox Theatre, Boulder, CO

http://www.foxtheatre.com/2011/03/08/0830PM/Yo-Mamas-Big-Fat-Booty-Band

 

In Boulder, the Jax at 928 Pearl Street is offering a three-course menu with traditional New Orleans cuisine for $35; call 303-444-1811 or go to www.jaxfishhouseboulder.com.

Also in Boulder, the West End Tavern (926 Pearl Street, 303-444-3535, www.thewestendtavern.com) and Centro Latin Kitchen & Refreshment Palace (950 Pearl Street, 303-442-7771, www.centrolatinkitchen.com), are marking Mardi Gras with food-and-drink specials.

It’s Mardi Gras.  Have a happy Fat Tuesday!

Old Gregg

Another slow night at the hospital, so I have had plenty of time to figure out a way to tie in this blog-drop to the overall theme of Rammin’ the Clam…ummm, uhhh,  well…yeah, no success… I don’t know that there is any way to tie in anything to a hermaphroditic merman who emits blinding light from his “mangina.”  But, alas, my co-worker asked me to somehow include Old Gregg in my post, and I owe said co-worker a favor because, after all, she did introduce me to the awesome world of ninjas, and for that I am forever indebted.   So check out the Old Gregg Full (HD Version) on youtube.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIInySnQe4I

It is 10 minutes and 45 seconds of your life that you will never get back, however I am certain that at some point during the video you will laugh, despite the overwhelming feeling that, in fact, you shouldn’t be laughing at all.

Zombie-walks and Early Morning Investigations

5:25 am:  The sun seems to be shining through my bedroom window more than usual despite the Levolor blinds and black-out drapes.  Maybe there is a light on outside, maybe I am dreaming.  I am fairly certain however that the urge to pee is real, and I roll out of bed to walk to the bathroom.  I take care of business and zombie-walk back to bed.

6:23:  It has been less than an hour since I was last up, but now the sun overpowers the bedroom window, and Tenley (5 month old daughter)  is awake.  I again have the urge to pee, although it may just be out of habit.  I follow the same course to the bathroom that I took an hour prior, but this time there is something different.  As I step from the carpet of my bedroom to the hard surface of the bathroom floor, my foot nearly drowns in a puddle (read: ocean) of wetness.  We keep a bowl of water near this area for our 7 year-old cocker spaniel to drink from in the middle of the night.  My initial, overly optimistic, assessment of this situation was that the water bowl spilled at some point during the last hour.  After further investigation that centered around paper-towels and my sense of smell I quickly realized that this was no ocean of water.  It was much closer to a kiddie pool.  KIDS PEE IN KIDDIE POOLS!

Where could this pile of pee have come from?  I narrowed it down to one of three possibilities: 1) My 2 and 1/2 year-old may have had an accident in the night.  It is possible that she tried to make it to the bathroom and didn’t quite make it there.  If this were the case she would have woke either me or Carly though.  2)  I did have 3 Margaritas last night at Hooter’s.  I have known people to pee on the floor after consuming large amounts of alcohol.  Perhaps 2 margaritas is my limit.  3)  Buddha, our 4 month-old Rottweiller puppy, somehow got out of his “little area”, came upstairs, and puppy-peed on my floor. 

I finish cleaning the pee.  Carly is awake now and heads downstairs to change Tenley’s diaper and let the dogs outside.  She comes back upstairs a few minutes later with a look on her face that already answers the question I am about to ask her: “Babe, did Buddha get out of his little area?”  Carly responds, “Yes.”

Me: “Did he make a mess?”

Carly: “He pooped……………..Twice.”

Me: “And?”

Carly: “He ate one of our decorative balls.”

Me: “And?”

Carly: “He got Tenley’s diaper bag and emptied everything out of it.”

Apparently Buddha decided to have a party his last night in the house.  Carly and I are in the process of moving and of all the houses that we are looking at very few will allow a Rottweiller.  Today we are meeting with a representative from Rottie Aid, that has found a suitable home for Buddha.  It sucks having to give him away, but it is for the best.  At least he partied like a rock-star his last night with us.

Just checked snow report at Loveland:  2″ overnight…forcast is for 4″-9″ by friday…Looks like Friday might be a powder day for  those who appreciate the relatively short drive to the closest major ski area to Denver.

Upcoming Events

Ava announces, “Buddha pooped in his little area!  Buddha pooped in his little area!  Buddha pooped in his little area!”  As if I couldn’t tell by the overpowering smell that had imposed its will on my nostrils.  The scenario that just played out has nothing to do with today’s blog drop, but the fact remains that it did play out, and it played out as I started this post, so you got to hear about it. 

I’m keeping this one short because tonight is all you can eat wings at Hooter’s, and I am taking my family.   Yeah I know, I get the Dad/Husband of the Year Award.  Before you judge  me, consider the following:  My wife likes wings;  My 2 1/2 year-old likes the tall stools that she get’s to sit on at Hooter’s, plus she always gets hooked up with a balloon; and my 5 month old is still breast-feeding, so… well I think you know where I am going with that one.  As for me,  I just want my family to be happy…  Anyway if you are heading to one of Colorado’s many ski resorts in the next couple weeks consider checking out one of the following events:

A-Basin:  Live Music Thursday and Friday from 2:30-5:30 pm at 6th Alley Bar

Loveland: Apres Party with Live Music 2:30-5:30 pm Saturday on the Basin patio…Also  3/10/2011 is the last 95.7 HookyDay

Breckenridge:  Mardi Gras Meets the Mountain 3/5/2011-3/8/2011

Keystone:  Live music Friday 4:30-6:30 pm

Copper Mountain:  Colorado Special Olympics Winter Games 3/5/2011-3/7/2011

Vail:  Bud Light Street Beat Concert on 3/3/2011…Also CarniVail Mardi Gras themed parade, concerts, and food starts Sunday

Eldora:  BBQ and Boulder Beer at Timbers Lodge this Saturday…Also free lift ticket promotion…bring in a lift ticket or pass from any other resort and ski free at Eldora

Okay I’m out…I bet that you couldn’t even tell that I left mid-blog for my Hooter’s excursion…The wings were great…Ava got a balloon…Tenley (my 5-month old) was captivated by the neon lights of the Corona sign on the wall next to our table…and our well-endowed waitress bent over in front of me to admire my kids…

He’s the one they call Dr. FeelGood…

There is something to be said about old friends:  They can always be counted on…for something.  One of the rules I learned in researching how to create an effective blog was to post frequently, but make sure that each post was relevant…Don’t post just to post.  I will try not to over do this whole blog thing, but I am posting for a 2nd time today for the following reasons: 1) I got my first comment, 2) This is new, and I am excited, 3) an additional posting will allow me to respond to my first comment and tie it in with the Colorado lifestyle which is allegedly one of the themes of Rammin’ the Clam. 

So back to the old friends being counted on thing.  Kevin Peters:  He’s the one they call Dr. FeelGood.  I couldn’t have asked for a better person to chime in with the first ever Rammin’ the Clam feedback comment.  A true comedic genius hides behind  the tie and white lab coat that he wears to work.  We met in radiology school; Kevin probably got the award for best dressed, despite the fact that everyone in our class was forced to wear the same green scrubs.  I also think Kevin got the award for clinical excellence, which may have been an indication of things to come.  After graduation Kevin was hired and quickly promoted into management.  I think he is like a hospital C.E.O. or something know.  But as Kevin alluded to there is one thing missing from his high society corporate world.  No snowboarding.  At least no snowboarding worth mentioning. 

Kevin is a natural leader.  He had a knack for getting events planned.  One thing I miss most about my time in Sioux Falls, SD, with Kevin and the rest of our friends was our recurrent Poker Night.  It seemed almost weekly that we were up until 3 a.m. drinking cheap beer and playing Texas Hold’em, knowing full well that in 3 or 4 hours one of us would be performing a gastrografin enema on a 73-year-old lady, while others would be trudging up and down hallways pushing a portable x-ray machine, while yet another of the group would be scrubbed in assisting with a stent placement or emboliztion.  It didn’t matter though, we were committed, and when our group of friends made plans, they almost always stuck with them.

Now I transition into the Colorado lifestyle.  I am not sure what it is about Colorado, but for the most part I have found that people here are generally non-committal.  I’m not saying anything is wrong with that, it is just a different dynamic than I am used to.  Organizing poker night here seems like pulling teeth.  Of 30 people invited, 10 will say “Right on.  I’m in.  Sounds dope.”  10 will say “Let me check with wife/husband.  I’ll let you know”  The last 10 will say “Sorry man.  I gotta work/play hockey/train to be a ninja.”  Now of the 30 people invited 7 will show up.  3 of them from the “Right on” crowd.  3 from the “Let me check” crowd.  Lastly one idiot will show up in a ninja costume. 

 Hold on a second, Ava has something to say. “I gotta go poop, but I can do it myself.  Okay?”  Cool, she’s good, but I should probably end this soon or I will be interupted in a few minutes to enter Ava’s most likely next sentence,  “Look at my big poops.”  I don’t know what the non-committal atmosphere is all about. I would like to think that it is because Colorado is so full of awesomeness that it would be foolish to commit to anything, because something more awesome could come up last-minute…